My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
