Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
