So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
