is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
