So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
