Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
