dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
