Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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