Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
