i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
