I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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