But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had sex on a roof
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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