Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
