Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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