WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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