I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
