at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
