Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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