Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The uberlube is also flammable
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
