This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
