i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
