I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
