I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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