Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
