JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
