I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
