You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
