I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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