I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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