I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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