Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
