You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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