I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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