She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
