so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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