she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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