Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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