The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
