My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You ruined the universe
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
