Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
