I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My pussy is not your playground.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
