You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
