my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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