and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
