cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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