Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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