I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
