So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
