hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
