Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
