i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
